This article was originally written for the DIMA Mallorca newsletter, announcing our workshop at their retreat center on November 22- 24, 2019!
in·teg·ri·ty: the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
The deepest meaning of this word for me has been trusting and expressing those whispers of truth that tend to unearth pure fear and vulnerability - the kind that I’ve been conditioned to deny, ignore, judge, and suppress at all costs.
I learned a long time ago that this kind of raw truth, when honored and backed up, keeps me in a state of expansion. Not only does it keep me expanding toward my highest potential, but when such deep and vulnerable truths are owned, the act of surrender required to do so opens a beautiful channel of healing where powerful currents of love can pour through for self and others.
I also learned that if I don’t do the work to keep expanding, the bulimia, depression, shame, addictions, and fatigue of my Northern Irish upbringing, creep back in to remind me that I have a choice. But thankfully I don’t see this as a choice; choosing expansion versus pain and self-realization versus deadness offers up no “choice" for me. The suffering I endured in the first twenty years of my life inspires me to face whatever fears are necessary to keep expanding into greater love.
The nature of what I seem to be continuously overcoming is the fear of trusting the Universe’s guidance moving through my body and emotions. Or said another way, I am continuously learning to trust the intuitive intelligence moving through my Hara (belly/dantian) and into the world. I do this because the presence of this intelligence is my moral compass. As I face the fear of backing up the divine moving through me, I keep myself aligned with love and as a result, my energy levels are balanced, my relationships are harmonious, and my presence is clear.
I believe that taking personal ownership of the fear of change, abandonment, and the unknown, is one of the most important responsibilities we have as humans. When we don’t take ownership of these existential fears and do the work to move through them, some other soul has to take them on and feel/heal them for us - like our precious children for example. This is how generational trauma is passed along. I see it every day in my clients and feel firsthand the power we have to transform our generational baggage by embracing the fear of our own power, love, truth, light, and divine potential (basically everything that was taken from us at the point of trauma). Ultimately, this fear that we control and manipulate our externals to avoid, is the doorway to the brilliance of our own divine nature, which is the power to love and live consciously with deep gratitude for all existence.
Imagine being in a room full of people, perhaps a healing space of some sort, and something feels “off”. It could be something someone said or the approach of the teacher. You feel it and see it in the energy field but it seems that no one else is sensing it, or cares. You feel like the only one and decide to say nothing because you might be wrong. Or, you feel afraid that if you do trust yourself and speak up (ie: step into integrity with what the language of energy is actually saying), you will meet the wrath of the ego you’re addressing – the ego that doesn’t want to listen to the integrity of the energy field but would rather control all those connected to it in order to stay “on top”. This ego may attack, ridicule, abandon, publicly humiliate, and punish you for doing so, especially when it’s in the authoritative position of “leader”.
Sound familiar?
We’ve all had this happen at some point in our lives – if not numerous times. It’s a familiar control framework where we’re suppressed into going along with the status quo because it’s what we’ve been conditioned to do through fear and intimidation. This is the original severance from integrity that lays rife in our cellular memory. It is a core trauma that we can learn to heal as we confront and address the bully (in self and others) by learning to trust what we feel and back it up 100% with ruthless love and compassion. As we do this we come to discern the difference between the voices of ego and truth inside and all around us.
The Universe also wants to help us build trust in ourselves when we’re outside of our comfort zone. For example, what would happen if you did back up your integrity in a situation like the example above? What if the person or people actually heard you and took you in? Do you know what you would do next? What if someone had an emotional breakdown as a result of your truth? What if your truth unlocked an old trauma (maybe even in you!)? Do you have the therapeutic, emotional, energetic, and intellectual skills to ride this all the way through to love and healing for all involved? Or what if the person or people refused to hear you? Are you prepared to walk out of the room or welcome their feedback and stay?
My personal experience is that we are much less likely to back up the integrity of the truth moving through us if we lack the structure and tools on how to handle the effects of its power.
Remember, “The truth shall set you free”, as Jesus said. That’s a lot of power and a big responsibility for the giver and receiver, and something we must not take flippantly. It’s what I’ve committed my life to—the study of the language of energy and truth at the deepest levels, and it’s what I teach in my “Cellular Transformation” workshops. I firmly believe that knowing how to own, express, process, and manage what the power of intuition, trust, sensitivity, courage, ownership, vulnerability, action, love, and spirit, brings up in self and others, is not only our greatest responsibility as human beings but the greatest expression of integrity and authenticity we can offer on the spiritual path.
Jennifer Millar © copyright 2019. All rights reserved.